An Elevating Experience

I am not obese by any standards, but having been imbibed the essence of my community since my memory could recall, being above average is the norm and my BMI is no exception to that either. Just browse around and advice flows in from all quarters across the internet from seriously obese bloggers on how to happily be and stay below average. A very popular and favorite simple easy to use daily driver tip, which I read today as well , is to use the stairs instead of elevators. Ironically, I was indeed reading this on my way to the 7th floor and following the “You will read anything in Whatsapp Syndrome” with due diligence, which ideally should have been applied to the “use the stairs” advice and guess what !!! IT IS A BAD IDEA. Using stairs instead of the elevator is the worst that you could do with your life. I actually found using the elevator to be an extremely healthy and rejuvenating experience for your mind. A few typical characters I kind of indifferently observe on a daily basis is worth not trying to shed off that extra flab.

The Social Worker :

Hiring an attendant for pressing buttons is economic sabotage. Why waste resources on this, when there is always at least one socially inclined traveler who diligently opens and closes the elevator for everyone. He doesn’t want to throw away that extra 2 seconds to wait for the elevator to stretch its arms inside. Our social worker is all set to give it that extra push to ensure doors open a second earlier. He goes out of his way to ensure that there is no time wasted once boarding is complete. Another push and the doors close. Yes that 5 seconds make the difference. Railways and other public transport operators need to avoid recruiting them as an empty platform or a bus stop implicitly means NO STOPPING !!!

The Flexible Independent :

This person is well and truly independent. Why depend on others when he can do his job himself even if means, he needs to pass his hand through a couple of S curves and climb a few mountains and valleys through the deepest darkest dungeons, dispering his half emptied deo for the benefit of the rest, in his quest to press that damn button 5 feet ahead of him and 2 feet over his head. Poor guy he never know about the social worker, just waiting for your command.

The Poker :

Every elevator group has one. You want to open a closing door, just swipe your hand and reverse the action. Want to enter an already fully occupied one just closing in on you, poke your footwear and watch the magic unfold and squeeze your half obese pulp into a thousand ready to burn you to ashes, staring eyes and boy does he care !!!

The Silent Assassin / The Observer :

The scariest of the group. He watches everything, listens to everything, observes every minute details, assimilates a lot of data, arrives at logical conclusions and may even analyse to the extreme to become fully judgmental. He surprises himself on his analytical capabilities and decides to put it to good use, all of which vaporizes the instant he leaves the elevator.

The Focussed :

No matter what happens, he will read that 18742 messages on Whatsapp, 8965 facebook notifications and all those spam SMS on how he is wasting his life and how to improve it. There is always someone who will get out on the same floor as him and there is always that social worker just waiting to help him out. You can easily identify this person smiling into his phone and my guess is that is certainly not for a selfie.

The Self Advertiser :

This is one special character. Why is my 2 year old bike the best in industry and how to research and find the best. Why is green tea mixed with half a drop of honey and 3 drops of lemon taken exactly 17 minutes after breakfast and 22 minutes before lunch the best detox and how has it helped him to detoxify. Why should you be using the same mobile device he is obsessed with. How to react to specific embarrassing situations. This person has the best retorts to any situation and shoot you extempore with a dozen of them for each situation all natural and spontaneous outbursts of witty and thoughtful concoctions. And well, do not question him on why he sold his old bike before getting his new one.

The Privacy Guard :

Easy to observe typical behavioral patterns. “I am getting into a lift. Will talk later”. Locks the mobile screen. Urges their friends or colleagues to talk once out of the elevator. Hides their employee badges to display the backside with no photos or employee id. Will not attend phone calls, respond to SMS, Whatsaapp or any social beckoning until out of the elevator.

The Stealer :

The most common I have come across. Take a closer look at your colleagues or persons whom you have always wanted to well, look. A quick succession of stealing glances up close and personal, all just to be forgotten the moment you are out of the elevator.

The Indifferent :

With interconnected and always on social media / music / movies 24×7, there is a sharp increase in this breed. He just does not care what is going on. It all about me, myself and my Irene. He walks in with his headphones on at full volume, without realizing that his not so nice music is spilling out of his phones and walks out once his social worker helps him get off at his destination

The Solution Architect :

The agony aunt is hilarious. Do you have any problem ? if yes, just hope that your elevator agony aunt travels with you. Basement to terrace, your problem is no more a menace. Taller buildings can solve some serious issues not restricted to global warming and climate change.

The Indecisive :

Oh boy, this elevator has 2 buttons, one arrow indicating up and another down. What do I do ? Oh no I will be late for my meeting ? What if I miss the elevator on its way to my destination. Should I inform my elevator, which is 7 floors above me to take me up or should I request the elevator to come down ? This is some serious decision making. Well why should I care ? Let me leave that decision to the elevator. I will press both.

The Unadulterated Idiot :

This breed is unique. Courtesy and common sense do not exist in their fantasy world. They do not wait for anyone to exit, but barges in with sizes ranging from a matchstick to 5 times the lift opening. No quantum of stares and weird looking expressions have any impact on them. They want to go up just one floor on a 200 storey building, but will go all the way to the back of the elevator so that they can push everyone else out on their way out.

Which ONE are YOU ? There is more, but the fact is this short 1 minute ride in an elevator can either be a complete turn off or a real rejuvenating experience. It is a choice and it is upto you to react and choose. Do let me know your comments and criticism.

4 thoughts on “An Elevating Experience

  1. Hilarious… No wonder Ive stopped taking the elevator, to avoid most of these specimens… Am close to being a Social worker, tho 😉


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